We Are Built To Be Kind

Creating the New Normal: Holiday

By Jennifer Webbe VanLUven, MSW, LCSW, CDM

Posted by West County Psychological Associates

 

Adults and stress go hand in hand during the holiday season.  There is so much to do.  Family to be seen, school holiday programs, gifts to be bought and wrapped and special celebrations such as Kwanzaa, Chanukah, Christmas, and New Years.  When parenting from two households, the stress can feel insurmountable.

You may also discover this time of year stirs up a lot of different feelings for your children.  If this is their first holiday season following your separation or divorce, keep in mind the change in the family may hit them very hard.  While you can't take away the pain your children feel, how you spend the first holiday after a separation or divorce can really impact children's perception about family change.

Too often, parents get caught up in issues like who is buying what or dividing up the holidays.  One of the best things you can do for your kids is use this time to rebuild a sense of family.  Create new traditions and events in each household.  Kids need to know that life will go on and they're going to be okay.  While your child's perceived loss of 'family' may hit them very hard during this time of year, there are ways you can help your children manage the experience in a healthy way.

Keep your emotions in place.  Children take emotional cues from their parents.  The holidays will be hard on parents, but they need to realize that it is doubled for the children.  If you as parents need a little extra emotional support, don't be afraid to call in the troops and take time to care for your emotions.

Silence isn't always the best way to go.  Be sure to talk to your children about the new plans for the holidays.  Kids like to know what is going to happen and prepare their own minds and feelings.  Talk to them about what will be different and what will stay the same.  Avoiding this conversation, keeps kids on edge and guessing what the holiday will look like.

Focus on creating meaning.  Focus on cutting back and on the true meaning of the holiday.  Find an activity that will promote a deeper meaning for the holiday.  Adopt a family or volunteer at a shelter.  This will make new memories and place the focus on something other than old tradition. 

Let your stress guide you.  Newly separated parents often ask if they should spend the holiday together.  This is a good idea in theory but eventually parents move into new relationships and the "new normal" is only delayed.  This can cause even more stress on parents and children are quick to pick up these cues.  Start your new tradition as soon as possible and reduce the parental conflict from the beginning.

Different isn't devastating.  As parents, we need to ask ourselves which traditions are worth hanging on to and which can be replaced.  We don't have to recreate the whole holiday.  Maybe think of one new thing that you can do as a family.

Make gift-giving painless for the kids.  Children love to participate and give gifts.  No matter how you feel about your ex, do not allow your child to arrive empty handed.  It is not about "you" giving a gift, it's about your children giving a gift.  Not only is this a reminder about the joy of giving, it strengthens a child's sense of security.

Do not give gifts with strings.  Do your best to coordinate gift giving with the child's other parent.  If that is not possible, think before you buy.  If you are hesitant about the child taking this gift to the other parent's home, then don't buy it.  If a child cannot decide where the gift will go, then it's not really a gift.

Creating the new normal is difficult.  The difficulty is not only for the children but for parents as well.  This list is not complete, there are many other ways to create happy holidays for your children and yourself.  Take time to do a frequent status check with yourself.  Knowing where your emotions lie is imperative in keeping children feeling safe and happy.

Class Meetings

Submitted by Olweus Team
Written by Rhonda West

Class meetings are one of the most important elements of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program (OBPP). These weekly meetings serve a variety of functions:

• teach the rules and consequences of bullying
• help students understand their role in bullying situations as well as how they can help students who are being
bullied
• help students and teachers address issues about bullying or other difficult situations as they arise

Class meetings work because they build a sense of cohesion and community among the students and adults in the building. When you listen to other students and help them solve problems, and share your own concerns, you’ve started breaking down habits of exclusion. At Old Bonhomme, class meetings are already evolving from the structured rule discussions to sessions that give students tools for solving problems. Listen to what students from different grades are saying:

“Class meetings are good. They help me know stuff I didn’t know, like you can’t have clubs during recess because it makes people feel left out.”

“I like class meetings because you get to let the teacher know your feelings and it helps you talk about what is going on.”

“I like class meetings because we get to talk about solutions for problems we are having at recess.”

“I like to learn new stuff in class meetings. I enjoy learning about my mind and how to stop bullies.”

Not all class meetings are dedicated to solving relationship challenges. Several classes have used meetings to brainstorm about ways they can change the individual and class “mindset” -- the way we think and talk about the learning experience. Fourth grade students have helped the school work through the process of allowing students to choose seats at lunch.

When students are encouraged to problem solve and make some of their own decisions, they are more likely to buy into the solutions. And this leads to another important payoff: as students assume increased responsibilities in their classroom communities, they also can become more motivated to learn.

It will take a few years to fully realize the benefits of OBPP. Parent involvement is a key feature, and we have barely begun that work. Parents, let one of our committee members know if you are interested in joining the Olweus Committee. Members include Hayley Arnold, Becky Benick-Butts, Julie Bergin, Cheryl Kirchgessner, Matthew Prange, Margaret Shockley, Stephanie Towe, and Rhonda West.

If you would like any more information, the counselor’s office has information available for families about OBPP. You can also learn more about Olweus and the many faces of bullying at the official Olweus site: http://www.violencepreventionworks.org/public/index.page.

Putting Kids First - FREE Mental Health for Kids

In November 2008, St. Louis County voters passed a 1/4 cent sales tax measure, also known as Proposition 1 and Putting Kids First, which created a community children's service fund to provide mental health and substance abuse services for children and youth ages nineteen and under in St. Louis County. 

Services areas include resources for temporary shelters, transitional living, unwed and teenage parents, respite care, crisis intervention, school based prevention, home and community based interventions, individual, group, and family counseling, outpatient substance abuse treatment, and outpatient psychiatric care.

Old Bonhomme Elementary utilizes several of the school based prevention programs. 

• ·      CHADS Coalition for Mental Health provides us with the training and materials we need to implement the Olweus Bully Prevention Program and provide mentors to our students with consent. 
• ·      The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse (NCADA) has trained facilitators teaching our students about being a good friend and being responsible for themselves.  They have also trained our Ladue Explorer mentors for the last three years.
• ·      Jewish Family and Children Services (JFCS) provide our building with a licensed professional counselor who delivers individual and group counseling services to our students with consent.

Many of our Old Bonhomme families have used individual services provided by the St. Louis Children’s Service Fund.  Whether it is psychological and academic testing at Community Psychological Services or family counseling through Epworth Children and Family Center there is something for everyone. You can learn more about the sixty-seven agencies and services they provide by visiting http://www.keepingkidsfirst.org.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you connect with one of the agencies.  You can reach me at 314-983-5546 or harnold@ladueschools.net.

Red Ribbon Week

Parents You Are Enough

          The beginning of the school year can be hectic for everyone.  Getting the kids back in a routine and managing all of the extra curricular activities is hard.  As a parent myself, I understand.  In an effort to be more proactive, this summer I read several books.  This one by Dr. Meg Meeker called Boys Should Be Boys stuck out.  In a portion of the book, she wrote about how we schedule our kids in numerous activities and how it is stressful on the children and us.  She went on to say what they really need is to spend more time with us.  After all, when we schedule them in activities they are away from us.  We are their first and most important teachers; therefore, we need to find ways to spend more time with them.

            The next time you are contemplating whether to put your child in another activity or not, just say no. In her book Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg reminds us that we are the only people who can set our own boundaries.  Our work, family, and friends will always be asking more of us.  We have to learn how to say no and teach our children to do the same thing.  

            Research shows that parents make the biggest impact on their kid’s future career and financial choices. In the book How Children Succeed Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character, Paul Tough uncovers the surprising ways in which parents do – and do not – prepare their children for adulthood. The book has a strong emphasis on performance character indicators like effort and resilience. Next time your kid is working on a project, instead of concentrating on the outcome praise them for their effort. 

Parents are good about teaching their children how to be polite and brush their teeth.  As you plan ahead, are you teaching your child how to be smart with money? Rachel Cruz and her father Dave Ramsey released Smart Money, Smart Kids in April and it is a #1 New Your Times Best Seller.  In the book you will find many everyday examples you can start using to teach your kids how to be financially fit. The biggest tip I took away from the book is that more is caught then taught.   

Remember you are enough.  If there is only one gift you can give your child make sure it is the gift of you.  Do not feel guilty about what you can or cannot provide for your child.  Celebrate the moments you spend with them and be intentional about finding more time to make it happen.  You are enough!

Big Ol' Rodeo

Check out what OB did to kickoff our Olweus Bully Prevention Program http://tinyurl.com/lmz4xw9.  Coach Jander and Coach Prange did a great job organizing the event.  

Pin Your Summer Pic

Welcome Back! Students and staff are encouraged to bring in a photo from one of their summer adventures to be pinned on the bulletin board in the main hallway. Pins will be provided for you to pin it up yourself or you can put it in the box on the table to be pinned later.

OB Champion Slide Show

Success Week Photos 

Click here www.schooltube.com/video/07daf87c46ec4325834d  to check out the pictures from OB's Champion Success Week.  

Success Week - I am a CHAMPION, you are going to see me SOAR!

Success Week

I am a champion you are going to see me SOAR!

March 31- April 4

Success Week Information

Our third and fourth grade students will be taking the MAP state assessment April 7-18.  They are ready to take the test and we want to celebrate all their hard work.  This is a week for all the students and teachers to reflect on all the successes they have had so far and look forward to the ones ahead.  Everyone is a champion and we want to see everyone SOARING this week! 

Service Project – Find A Friend Bench

All students are encouraged to bring money from their piggy bank (no bigger than a dollar) to donate to the Find A Friend Bench campaign.  The money will be used to purchase a bench for the playground.  The bench will be a place students can go sit when they are feeling lonely and want a friend to play with. You can read this article to see where our students got their inspiration from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/03/second-grader-buddy-bench_n_4378248.html.  The plan is for the bench to be available at the start of next year. 

OB Champions – Need Pictures

We would like to have pictures of all of our students being a champion to display in the hallways.  Please send in a picture of your child being a champion by March 28 to the attention of Mrs. Arnold.  Some examples might be of them participating in an organization like girl scouts, a sport, playing an instrument, painting, volunteering, dancing, the possibilities are endless.

Theme Days – Show Your Spirit - Get Dressed Up

Monday, March 31  - Champions have superhero strength!

Everyone is encouraged to wear a superhero T-shirt or capes, boots, and leggings.  No masks or swords please!

Tuesday, April 1 - Champions are wild about learning!

Everyone is encouraged to wear animal print clothes.

Wednesday, April 2 - Champions dress for success!

Everyone is encouraged to dress like what they want to be when they grow up.

Thursday, April 3 - Champions get in the game!

Everyone is encouraged to wear college, professional, or personal team clothing.

Friday, April 4  - I am a champion you are going to see me SOAR!

Everyone is encouraged to wear OB spirit clothes or blue and white.  

Opportunity: Real Talk About Bullying Presenter

Real Talk about Bullying: How to Help Your Child if He/She is a Target, a Bully, or a Bystander
MICDS and Whitfield School have teamed together to bring award winning-speaker Jim Bisenius for an exciting and informational program titled Real Talk about Bullying: How to Help Your Child if He/She is a Target, a Bully, or a Bystander. In this program, parents will learn how to teach their child to respond to verbal bullying, physical bullying, social bullying, and group manipulations.  Parents will walk away with knowledge of the various roles of bullying as well as tools they can immediately implement and help their child master in order to eliminate bullying from his or her life.  Participants will learn specifically how “popular” bullies isolate, control and manipulate their peers. They will learn exactly what steps their son or daughter must take to stop them. In addition, parents will be able to use all of these techniques in their own life to deal with controlling or intimidating adults. Please join us onApril 23, 2014 from 6:30-8:30 on the campus of MICDS. Program will be held in the Mary Eliot Chapel and is open to all parents (JK-12).

Fill the Bus Rock Star

First Student bus driver, Romon Huston, was a rock star yesterday.  He started picking up cans at 8:00 AM and did not finish unloading until about 4:30 PM.  He worked relentlessly to lift tattered overloaded boxes and breaking plastic bags. Although his only job was to drive the bus he went above and beyond helping us load and unload the bus with a positive attitude.  At the end of the day he said it was fun and for a good cause!  Thank you Romon Huston! 

Career Awareness

Check out these career awareness websites for elementary students.  Career awareness must start in elementary schools and be developmental through high school.  College is too expensive to be a career choice.  Our children do not have to graduate from college in debt with no idea what they want to do.  Together we can make a difference!

Career Jeopardy
Career Song
Career Tree
Career View
Chore Pay
It's My Life 
I've Been Working in the Neighborhood
Kids.Gov
Kids Work
Paws in Jobland

Success Week March 31 - April 4

Service Project – Find A Friend Bench

All students are encouraged to bring money from their piggy bank (no bigger than a dollar) to donate to the Find A Friend Bench campaign.  The money will be used to purchase a bench for the playground.  The bench will be a place students can go sit when they are feeling lonely and want a friend to play with. You can read this article to see where our students got their inspiration from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/03/second-grader-buddy-bench_n_4378248.html.  The plan is for the bench to be available at the start of next year. 

OB Champions – Need Pictures

We would like to have pictures of all of our students being a champion to display in the hallways.  Please send in a picture of your child being a champion by March 28 to the attention of Mrs. Arnold.  Some examples might be of them participating in an organization like girl scouts, a sport, playing an instrument, painting, volunteering, dancing, the possibilities are endless.

Theme Days – Show Your Spirit - Get Dressed Up

Monday, March 31  - Champions have superhero strength!

Everyone is encouraged to wear a superhero T-shirt or capes, boots, and leggings.  No masks or swords please!

Tuesday, April 1 - Champions are wild about learning!

Everyone is encouraged to wear animal print clothes.

Wednesday, April 2 - Champions dress for success!

Everyone is encouraged to dress like what they want to be when they grow up.

Thursday, April 3 - Champions get in the game!

Everyone is encouraged to wear college, professional, or personal team clothing.

Friday, April 4  - I am a champion you are going to see me SOAR!

Everyone is encouraged to wear OB spirit clothes or blue and white.